Commonword Blogs

especially the lines 'bulk up the thin duvet' and'smells fade with time'

I agree with Nabila in terms of punctuation, this is something I'm working on myself at the moment.

With the second stanza first line, I found myself pausing after, Next morning, then a comma, which would give a naturaql pause hesitation to what's going to happen next.

The second stanza suggests something more, as if you're expecting the usual but the usual doesn't happen. Is there anyway you could make this more meaningful in order to make the reader more intrigued?

Just a suggestion. Like ' you left me my t-shirt' good image.

I enjoyed this

Belinda

I like poems like this that say very little , yet say it all.

However, there is a big shift in tense and too much movement between 5 and 6 ; the couplet structure doesn't work, esp. as it is ending on a single line.

Small things like punctuation in the firrst 2 lines are so important to complete

smells fade with time should really be taken out and said in the same tone. It is an active poem, grammatically. So, keep it active, without the sentimental /emotional expressions.

need to be less brief in 'any plans'. Although I know what you're saying, one could wonder who is speaking . Some elaboration on this , just a few words to fill the statement, would be better and it could sit neatly on the last line.

on the whole , like it.