Mother NEW
Sat, 07/03/2009 - 11:50 — Nadrock
Warm skin
Clear as glass
Breaths even and regular
Hair intricately curled
Like strings around tuning pegs
Laughter capturing a youth never lost.
Smile of sincerity
Voice of comfort
Into the parameters
Of existence
I came
And you
Nurtured me.
Purity of spirit
Uncluttered mind
An independence unprecedented.
Heroine of my being
I am your blood
Conversations are sweet
In your esteemed presence.
You are open
To the revelations
Of the universe.
The substance
And purpose
In our relationship
Will never die.
I've always known this
And I say it loud
You are my jewel
Mother.
Comments
Hi, I agree with the
Hi,
I agree with the comments made about your poem. I found the poem a passionate piece, and reading several times makes me want to know more about your relationship with your mother. What's at the core of what you want to say?
Really liked 'laughter capturing a youth never lost', and 'hair intricately curled', not sure about relating this to 'strings' as I found myself thinking of softness and gentleness, which didn't seem fitting with the metaphor of the strings?
Trying to revise my own poem 'space in my apartment' which is based on the very close relationship i have with my sister.
Thank you Belinda
Mother
Thank you very much! That is very encouraging! I may need to work on it in the future and tighten it up by making it more specific, but I'm sure that will come in time.
Thanks again!
the universal in the particular
Your comment on your own poem is interesting. It is a good poem with some amazingly inspired images. However I think the poem would be much much better if you reworked it so we the reader were able to find the universal in your particular experience, instead of being fed this universal by you the poet. Rather in the way you started working on inhabiting the voice of people in your Iraq poems. Here, it would mean owning the poem and your particular relationship with you mother more, allowing your 'I' voice to breathe more, inhabiting the person who writes the poem more. Puzzled? John Siddique has written a superb poem in this vein, superficially about, I believe, dancing with his ageing mother- I remember me and him floating ideas on it. I'll try find it for you.
Mother
Cheers for that comment - I'd appreciate it if you could find that particular piece so it would give me more of an idea of how it could be improved. I'll be coming to tomorrow's session as usual so I'll speak to you then.
Thanks!
Mother
This is another brand new piece written in the last 24 hours. I tried to capture not just my own relationship with my mother but the bond everyone has with their matriarch. A lot of the times the maternal role in a family is a thankless one and it often goes unappreciated. What I endeavoured to do was explore the precious bond a mother and child have, one that is sacred and priceless and never ever dies.