Beyond The Face (latest edit) NEW
China blue irises,
Once filled with innocence,
Lacking vibrance, isolated and lost.
Recalling his father's
Arthritic hand,
Skin like crumpled paper,
Meandering towards him.
He was 6,
Even 25 years on,
Memories lingered stubbornly.
His father assured him
No one would find out.
The nights were the worst.
Desperate to hear
The cries of others, revisiting
The room he slept in
Back in 1984.
It still hadn't changed.
Desperation
Saturated the air.
Tear-stained face,
Blank and cold.
His father died years ago,
Yet he still felt his presence.
Will he ever be free?
Paranoia-filled mornings
At breakfast, steely looks,
The pattern kept being relived.
Each time he forgave him,
His trust still broken,
He wet himself.
His father's hand clenched.
Slapped face,
Eternal reminders manifested,
Long after the redness faded.
(c) NZ 2009.
Comments
Brilliant!
Nadeem, I can see you have worked on this piece and tightened it up. I loved it before and still love it now. Its maintained all its empathy and power which is great. This is a well researched heartfelt piece. I love it, well done!
Thank you for your kind support and comments.Take care em .
Beyond The Face
Thanks Mulberry! I really appreciate that - hope you're well. I thought there were certain parts of it that could be worked on so I did just that.
Take care,
Nadeem
Beyond The Face
This is now an edited version of the poem that was last up. I'm also thinking of changing the title, as it seems quite generic in nature so will work on that!
Nadeem
I hear you
and your voice in this piece Nadrock - I read you r work and want to understand the rhythms that you employ :-)
for me - i would chase away anything superfluous with an exacting comb
eg
China blue spheres,
Once filled with innocence
And promise,
Now drained, devoid
Of their vibrance.
I dont feel you need
'And promise'
and 'Now'
China blue spheres,
Once filled with innocence -
Drained; devoid
Of their vibrance
also
A path of helplessness
i dont think you need this either as the line which precedes this dicates...
hope this helps
steve x
Beyond The Face
Cheers for feedback Steve, I will have a look at that!
Nadeem
wow!
This is brilliant! very disturbing and well thought out-very insightful!
This verse is so powerful: It makes so clearly the damage inflicted and the soul destroyed through the fathers treatment.
"China blue spheres,
Once filled with innocence
And promise,
Now drained, devoid
Of their vibrance".
This is heartbreaking:
"His screams silent, like the
Yearning he felt had no response.
Breaking up, no-one saw it,
Dying inside, no-one heard it".
beautiful, well researched and heartfelt piece.
Thank you for your advice and hints! keep them coming please. Take care.
Beyond The Face
Thanks so much! Again, I like the fact you've given me specific lines that you like. Will certainly stay in touch and keep things runnin' along.
Take care.
Best wishes,
Nadeem
Beyond The Face
This is another poem written today, just 30 minutes before "Steely-Eyed" at the very same exhibition. I was exploring the issue of child abuse and how the world-weary face of a thirty-something man tells us so much. I was so inspired by the portrait that I just had to write about it.
Feedback, as always, warmly welcome!
Nadeem