A Life Reclined
Theres a guy the opposit of ambitious
Adverse to pinstripes,order, folders
and all things typed
Hates the words modules, schedules and meetings
Loathes all food with meat in
Has no time for time
sees the grouchy nature of clocks
and the bilingual nature of colour.
Rejoices in the serenity of empty
and the shape of plans unmade
Believes dreams are in the next room cooking chips
and that goals and ambitions split was an amicable one
He knows that fulfilment lilts a train ride away
That trying too hard hurts your eyes
And that aims keep your toes warm
Routien was hoovered up in 1985,
So he began to dress down and stay in more.
He loves thrillers and poetry.
Doesn't know where the Iambic Pentameter is.
But knows he would'nt go there on holiday
Understands the mystecism of Wednesdays
and the clarity of fog.
Embraces the rythmic naturue of numbers.
Knows that numerals and letters
dont get on
and that however old you are
age dosent fit,
but slips up and down like
oversised shoes
He doesn't know his age
He doesn't care
Believes games are for everyone
Says its your turn to 'seek'
And dances to the months of the year
Comments
Lke the idea behind this poem
It's interesting the way you've described the person.
Some of my favourite lines are;
1/ Believes dreams are in the next room cooking chips
2/ Understands the mystecism of Wednesdays
and the clarity of fog.
3/ Doesn't know where the Iambic Pentameter is.
But knows he would'nt go there on holiday
Because they take the ordinary everyday and jumble them up, which is a nicde touch to the poem.
I agree with the above comments in that you could make the poem more tight and therefore more deep in it's message.
Good stuff x
it’s your world and i’m just a squirrel
c+c music factory said it so it must be true
one of the things i do with a poem is read it – which kinda seems the purpose of a poem – then go do something else before coming back and seeing what i can remember. chances are what you remember is
a. what you did/didn’t like.
b. what made you think
so i remembered the guy, in a beatnik kinda way. then i remembered the guy again, because actually he didn’t interest me. someone you pass on the street and register in your peripheral vision but don’t bother to look.
so that’s a. done and dusted, on to b.
b. is where it gets interesting because in general what makes you think is the left field and/or the ambiguity of ideas and observation. as an aside, imho not enough attention is paid to ambiguity as an aspect of poetics in english poetry (compared, for example, to japanese or african poetry)
it’s the ideas and observations that are the soul of a poem (separately and in their interrelationship), and there are a lot of different ways of conveying them without stating ‘this is the idea’ or ‘this is the thing observed’. when it came down to it what i remembered the poem for was the following lines:
The bilingual nature of colour
Trying too hard hurts your eyes
The clarity of fog
however old you are
age doesn’t fit,
for why? because they’re not lines you can see coming - they almost ambush the reader, offering them a crosscurrent in the poem, pulling them out of the flow and forcing them to retake their bearings. the weakness of the poem is that the main current is too strong (almost like a waterslide); not for the reader, who can stop reading, but for the crosscurrent of ideas, which are more subtle and profound than the main body of the poem.
give them the influence in the poem they deserve.
- martin
an insightful
an insightful analysis mr d m; I guess I read the (b) ideas into the character of the fella and this makes me interested in him....
(apols to the poet for kinda 'discussing her poem while she is not in the room'!)
-Pete
one of your stronger poems.
one of your stronger poems. Needs trimming though :-)
an interesting character
& an amusing portrait; love 'sees the grouchy nature of clocks' It develops into quite a unique protrait so I find the title 'Mr Relaxed' does not quite do him justice! -pete