Commonword Blogs

Hi

I will be honest I didn'tlike 'hostage' - added a whole different dimension to it which felt odd and didn't seem to introduce what you were trying to say

Straight after the title you use 'treading' again so I suggest maybe re-thinking the title or changing the first line .

Hi Melanie - have read this a few times now and wanted to say that i get clearly the message of the poem - i understand that you say that this is a work in progress and i hope you dont mind if i say that hostage would seem a better title for this poem than treading water -

also that there's something in the 'treading water' line that doesnt sit well with me - i almost feel you dont need to say this as stuck in one place is similar but more so because the other images are not water based and more physical - 'release me from its grip'

i love the take off line at the end - it reminds me (in the use of the word unused) of a fav poem of mine - Aubade by Philip Larkin

steve x

been a while since I saw you :-) so was nice to see this.

Thanks for sharing - I could relate to this very well.

It is simplistic and easy to follow. Could be more specific to convey a particular set of feelings as it does seem slightly vague at the moment.

Can offer more suggestions if you like .