If
Wed, 30/11/2011 - 10:07 — Melanie Duncan
If you would talk to me
I would know why
I was in such deep pain
We could avoid the gaping chasm
That holds us in its grip
I could be happy
One of us could be
But your silence
In its loudness
Takes both of us as prisoners
Melanie Duncan ©
Comments
If
Hi Melanie,
I love the implications of what you've written here, somewhat abstract, yet very clear on pondering the hidden meanings behind the thoughts. Communication is key in all relationships as we all know and you have alluded to this reality in a very clever way. The only thing I would suggest perhaps is giving us some examples of how the silence comes to exist, maybe through the mannerisms of the character portrayed, it would be even better than it is now.
All in all, a good solid piece!
Nadeem:)