through the kiss
Fri, 20/03/2009 - 22:22 — Martin De Mello
through the kiss | i watched her song in the mirror.
the notes dwelt, arms outstretched : a man with blue,
seeping eyes.
her voice fluttered and hissed while she swayed,
fluttered and hissed like a tape : i recalled
that johannesburg night, the smoke chanted jazz club,
the audience drowsy, wild bees toying with
the idea of love.
and her beautiful. i watched the end of my cigarette,
the smoke twisting as it fell into space, frayed
ends of blond hair.
and her words faded. i turned to the white woman
at the bar next to me - we let the first kiss, her arm static
as it brushed nightflakes against mine.
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Comments
through the kiss
This works. I read it once; faster than I felt a poem needs to be read to do it justice.
It surprised me that 'I got it'. Or certainly a lot of it, Much of it.
Previous poems of yours I met I was aware: "I'm not up to understanding this"
Also, well done on the '30 poems' success. Look forward to seeing 'em in print
evocative
bluesy, sumptuous, almost like a short story!
aye, robbed from the end of
aye, robbed from the end of a short story wot i wrote. think more people should try it.
through the kiss
Oooo! martin you are a one! this truly lovely sensous but with that spark of sexual tension. i can almost see the sparks fly!! love the opening lines,
"through the kiss i watched her song" Aiii!
the "wild bees" line gives an exact portrait of the hum -under ground currents and expectations of people in the jazz club
yvonne
very nice - enjoyed reading
very nice - enjoyed reading it many times - some general points - why do the sentences start with small case 'i'
small case 'i'
yeah, been asked that a few times. different answers, depending.
whole poem is lower case, which i do probably about 80% of the time. why? arbitrary, as any convention is - for example, each line of a poem beginning with a capital, which never made sense to me.
did for a while write all lower case but capital I, felt wrong somehow. think partly because I suggests a unitary concept of self which i does not.
cogito ergo sum, n that kinda thing.
I really like the imagery
I really like the imagery you've used in this poem.
I can feel the intimacy in the words that you've chosen. For example, brushed nightflakes against mine. This symbolised for me the electricity that can exist between two people.
I also really like the line 'the audience drowsy, wild bees toying with the idea of love' great lines. I imagine people having had a few drinks and people glacing around at each other along with the rhythm of the jazz music.
Nice work
Belinda
through the kiss
I really like this piece, Martin. It's the first poem of yours I've read in a while and it's really typical of your style, being someone who so cleverly uses imagery to convey the substance of a piece. It feels almost as though I'm actually there in the jazz club and I can almost hear the music as you've described the atmosphere so well.
Brilliant!
Nadeem