Commonword Blogs

Loreen,
I like the truth and the anger here. The repetition in the accusations works well. I dont feel it needs the BUT in the last stanza. Just say "what was that, a lie?" a bit sarky. It helps to point the finger and matches that anger you portray.

You then outline the way you feel as the person who's broken.This follows the hurt and anger well. Its good how you encase the 'victim' feelings in anger towards th person making empty promises and hurting you.

some typos too: 'Promises you couldn't keep'
and God answers, 'he wasn't meant to be'

well done though. I love it. Take care.

Like Nadrock, I find the blunt honesty in each of the observations you make in your poem reassuring.

I think that the statements would work more effectively if you looked at the punctuation used in the poem - used well, punctuation accentuates the expressions and images, pace etc of the poem - conversely punctuation can debilitate a poem from it's true strength if misused or if omitted.

For example, when i read the line, 'But what was that a lie', I felt a bit lost when i didn't find a question mark after the word 'lie' and simlilarly lost without the timely use of a comma or semi-colon after the word 'that'.

It may be that you intended this and it is my reading of it that requires further reflection?

It may also be worth spell checking the poem as again misspelling has a way of derailing the power of the work - unless this was your intention Loreen and if so, I need to consider your poem further.

hope this helps : )