Frustration
Fri, 27/02/2009 - 10:10 — Loreen Williams
As I left I see the Mersey in big letters on the next block of flats continuing to walk along I see the stop sign.
My phone rings my friend is going to be late again which frustrates me then I see a billboard showing a design of new flats to be built.
Looking on the floor I see broken glass wishing I had broken it to vent my frustration.
Finally reach town and look through the window of the arndale seeing the Manchester wheel with the letters of the arndale written in reverse.
Comments
I didn't see this as a poem
I didn't see this as a poem instantly :) I do agree with the other comments made and feel it's a very early draft.
the sound of frustration
A very visual piece. If expanded (so it becomes more clearly prose) perhaps you might try adding the other senses - sound, smell?
Different approaches
Hi Loreen
Just as a general comment, needs a little tidying up. Quite prosey, but if you strip it down a bit more the poetry will come through.
Also the sequence lends itself to flash fiction as well as poetry. Sometimes there isn't much difference. Tidied up and flash fictionified you can get something like :
Frustration
As I leave, the Mersey in big letters on the next block of flats. Continuing to walk I see a stop sign. My phone rings, my friend is going to be late. I stare at a billboard showing the design of new flats to be built. On the floor broken glass. I wish I had broken it to vent my frustration. Finally I reach the Arndale. Through the window the Manchester Wheel, the letters of the Arndale written in reverse