Spring
Sun, 11/04/2010 - 16:01 — Belinda Johnston
White paws patter an April morning sky
Garden furniture sinks into sappy peat.
Half of my face cool, the other tinged heat.
The cat nudges my arm; I yawn then sigh.
Comments
Spring
Hey Belinda,
I know it's been a while - I've been away due to illness -I really like this because it's great and yet so simple. The first line is my favourite! Use of the word "patter" gives the poem a gentle grace, like time slowly shifts from darkness into light, almost like they're rousing the spring from a lengthy sleep.... love that idea.
Take care and keep it up!
Nadeem
Thinking of imagery
Thinking of imagery, I like the first line but not the second. The idea of paws pattering the sky is an intriguing one (in my mind an upside down cat running along the sky, perhaps the sky reflecting the ground). The pattering paws also collapses the distance between the sky and ground. However, the garden furniture is by contrast too banal, and even though it sinks it feels relatively static, insofar as there is no great distance travelled by the line.
I would suggest removing the garden furniture and letting the sky itself collapse the distance:
White paws patter, an April morning sky
sinks into sappy peat.
The paws are left hanging, a question (what paws?) with a deferred answer - the cat.
- Martin
Roll on summer!
This poem just makes me ache for summer. I'd lovbe to be sitting there beside you in a hot sun, maybe something cooking up on a barbecue, not a care in the world! A wonderfully langorous verse!
-Pete
Hi its Emma (from Monday writing group)
I like this a lot Belinda! Ive seen you on here lots and commented on some of your work. Was lovely to meet you.
Love the paws pattering in the sky. You set the scene beautifully! x
competent
a competent exercise in rhyme. the first line interests most. Has a songbook quality