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agree with pete, cemented rather unhappy in terms of the imagery associated with. but also a sticking point for the poem because it suggests something at odds with the rest of the poem:

their kinship cemented – no tense indicator. is this a continuation of a previously existing action/state, or is it in the moment as the rest of the poem is, i.e. their kinship being cemented? being unlikely as the intimacy of the poem suggests that this not the first time they have cycled side by side swapping stories.

the poem works because it exists in the moment. whatever is significant about their kinship needs to occur in the moment as well.

Hi Belinda,

There's a lot of good imagery in this poem. I really like the warmth and honesty in it! It's definitely got the storytelling element to it which I like a lot!

Straightforward yet powerful!

Fantastic!

Hi Belinda,

have read this poem and like the concept and the images it provides to me reading it - there is something polite and evocative about the images it conjures

- wonder if the image re the spokes and friendship would work better if the word 'cement' was changed to 'sure' - maybe it is me but cement and spokes bring different images to mind and the word sure reinforces the style and type of relationship as spokes are - like relationships - the sum of their collective parts so to speak

also think perhaps the rhythm of 'sisters, swapping stories from their day: Then they split would be assisted if swapping became swap(?)

wonder if you need to return to the 'four women' at the end of the poem as throughout the reading of the poem the image of four women remains?

like very much the last line to complete the poem