Commonword Blogs

Hi guys - many thanks for the great crit last night, I've had a go at tweaking, though the layout is lost in this context - just imagine alternate lines gradually convening....
If you think it's heading in the right direction (!) let me know :)
Many thanks
Ax

I must split myself in
two, like the flesh of a ripe peach
scored with a small sharp
fruit knife
then twisted to reveal
the gnarled hard heart
it’s the pits

I reach forward and fetch back
gathering my mothers towards me
stretching my line of horizons
to vanishing point

both hold me

Hi guys - been a while since I uploaded, apologies. Been working on a collection from which I've drawn the below as a 'homework' response. Loosely based along the lines of image (peach) setting (vanishing point) and conflict (maternal) so I can get some feedback for your good selves. Thanks for any reads and comments.
Till the next sess
Ax

I must split myself in two
like the flesh of a ripe peach
scored with a small sharp
fruit knife
then twisted to reveal
the gnarled hard heart
it’s the pits

I reach forward and fetch back
gathering my mothers towards me

Hello fellow hothousers - uploading my praise efforts since I will be away for the next (unfortunately two) sessions. I hope to be able to check in, so do comment and crit if you've a mo. Sorry to be missing out, catch up with you all in feb :)

In Praise of Time

Draft 1

the great healer, the forgiver
the source of our tomorrow, our future
the home of hope
our happy ever after
contained within

and when its present face
reveals a rent of terror
it sows its thread and stitches into past
pain is dulled and scars knitted over
woven fast